🕸 Networking is easy, fun, and probably not what you think it is.

This article was also published on dev.to. Thanks to the team for choosing is as a Top 7 weekly.

Networking is extremely important for your career.

They say the most valuable thing about going to Harvard is not the education you'll receive or the skills you'll learn, but the connections you'll make. And they're right.

However, many people will say networking is hard, boring, impossible for some, especially neurodivergent folks. So just for context, I'll clarify that this article is written by an introverted senior software engineer with autism. Turns out, I am a natural networker anyway! And maybe so are you.

---

When you think of networking, you probably have some kind of tech meet-up in mind. Maybe there is free coffee, pizza, and petit-fours, which you eat while talking to people from your industry who you can add on LinkedIn after.

While this is definitely an example of networking, this is also what people think networking is. In truth, this is only a very niche kind of networking.

Thinking you need to practice this specific ritual to gain the benefits of networking is like thinking you absolutely need to go to speed-dating events to get married. It might work out for you, but that's not what dating or marriage is as a whole, and it's not even how most people find their significant others.

The reality is, networking can be something you intentionally do, but more often than not it's something that just happens, and you benefit from it if you have the right skills and the right attitude.

How I got my dream career

Here are two stories that led to me working at my dream job today.

I Was Bored At A School Party

I never graduated in CS. I graduated in Food science. My first job was making energy drinks.

I met my friend J. during an engineering school party 15-20 years ago. We had similar interests and vibed together. He was studying computer science in that same school and later went on to become one of the top-leading experts in Ruby on Rails.

A decade after said party, as I was complaining about my lack of job prospects and interest for my current career, he asked me, "Have you considered coding?"

I Talked To Some Teenagers Under A Tree

More than two decades ago, I was studying in a somewhat fancy high school, mostly middle-class / high-middle class students.

There was a tree in the courtyard where myself and a group of other teenagers would hang out. Eventually, we talked. We became friends.

One of them went into computer science and made a new group of friends. At some point, two people in this group started a new project for a client. They needed programmers. They hired me as an intern.

This is what networking is.

I went to a bunch of professional meet-ups, coding-related events, and tech talks. No opportunity ever came out from any of those.

I don't regret going because I had no expectations outside of having a little fun and indulging in free pizza. Again, this is like dating, you have very little chance of finding your life partner on a random date so you have to learn to enjoy the process.

Instead, opportunities arise organically from just living life.

Real networking advice

So how does one become "good at networking"?

Be curious

Curiosity is an incredibly powerful human drive for growth.

Be curious about other people. People are fascinating, each individual is a universe of its own. There is so much to discover in a person, and so many persons to discover.

When you take an interest in other people, you're making their abilities, knowledge, and skills yours, and there is tremendous power in alternative views.

So what you're doing is spreading a net, extending far and wide - this is networking.

Geopolitical footnote: You will notice that, historically, the more insular a country is, the more stunted their economic growth is. This speaks volumes to the importance of human connections.

Be open to opportunities

To continue the fishing metaphor, once your net is spread, eventually you catch some fish. Now it's just a matter of picking up the fish.

Sounds easy enough, but some fishes are not easy to pick. Sometimes opportunities carry risk. Each situation is unique so it's hard to generalize here, but it is my opinion people generally have much to gain by being at least a little bit more bold.

Be kind

Humans are fundamentally social creatures. We are designed for cooperation. Well, turns out humans prefer to cooperate with people who are well-suited for cooperation, and a big part of it is treating others with kindness.

If you are a pleasure to interact with, people will want to interact with you. This is true for friendship, companionship, but also work.

Sidenote, I am not advocating that you should be kind for personal gain, since I believe in the value of kindness for its own sake. However, if this convinces an unkind person to start being kind for their personal gain, I will consider that a complete win.

Be generous

I am infinitely grateful to the people that helped me be where I am today.

But what goes around comes around. As people helped me, I helped others. I was turned into a software engineer, I turned others into software engineers.

At least one of them became a cybersecurity expert. He deepens my understanding of the topic on a regular basis. Helping him made me better at my job.

I spend some of my free time volunteering to mentor people who try to make software engineering their career. I mostly do this out of love for human connection & helping people. I have nothing else to gain from this & never gained anything from it, but who knows! I have the feeling some day this net might bring in some fish.

Life is not a zero-sum game. When you help someone you are often helping yourself.

Privilege-checkpoint ✋🛑

I want to highlight something important.

You might have noticed that, even though I did not go to Harvard, I went to a somewhat fancy high school, and then to a somewhat fancy engineering school. Those are the places where my connections eventually led to getting into tech & finding my dream job.

This was only possible because I come from middle-class. Had I come from a more modest background, those opportunities would not have been there for me to seize in the first place.

I point this out because while it is easy to remember the hard work we achieved to get to where we are today, it is also easy to not notice the subtle ways invisible privileges made all of this possible for us. Let's all be mindful of this.

What if I'm an introvert?

A final word for introverts. Introversion is characterized by "being drained by social interactions". I am absolutely such a person, social interactions drain my energy quite fast.

But then, so does physical exercise. Yet, almost anyone can eventually run a marathon with enough training.

Both social interactions and running can be torture when you start. Still, those are fundamental abilities of humans. We are literally designed for it. We can learn it, and with enough training we end up loving it.

Running is good for you, so is interacting with other humans, so go out there and train that muscle. It might always be tiring, but you'll enjoy it eventually.

Conclusion

Networking is not (only, nor mostly) eating pizza at tech events.

It's first and foremost about connecting with others humans.

It's not really something you do for your job, it's something you do because that's what humans do and enjoy doing.

So go out there and connect, and keep an eye out for opportunities to cooperate. Who knows, you might end up cooperating!